Becky De Oliveira
Episode 63

Narrator: Welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. Join your host, Japhet De Oliveira, with his guest today, and discover the moments that shape us, our families and communities.

Japhet De Oliveira: Well, welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast, and I am today extremely delighted about this particular episode. You will see when I introduce the guest, and you get to know this guest, why I'm so giddy with joy. I was going to say the name right now, and I just held back, I held back. So if your brand new to this entire experience, very simple. 100 questions. First 10 I ask, 11 to 100 the guest pick's numbers and it becomes more vulnerable, more open. So we'll see if they go up towards the 100 mark. Right. Let's begin straightaway with the very first question that I have for this guest. Could you tell us your name and does anybody ever mispronounce it?

Becky De Oliveira: Hello, my name is Becky De Oliveira. And yes, people mispronounce it, they also mispronounced it when I had a previous name, which was Crooker. And so I get De Oliveira, De... I can usually tell when somebody calling on the phone doesn't know me personally.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: I wonder. All right, Becky, can you tell us what you do for work?

Becky De Oliveira: I am supposed to say that I'm retired, at the moment.

Japhet De Oliveira: You're supposed to say you're retired. All right.

Becky De Oliveira: That's what we settled on. I used to be a lot of things. I used to teach college. I've done communications, graphic design. I have a PhD in research methodology. So those are the different sorts of things that I've done for the last 25, 30 years.

Japhet De Oliveira: And just in case anybody doesn't know this, Becky De Oliveira and I are connected. We know each other pretty well. So she's my wife. I do refer to her sometimes as Dr. De Oliveira and-

Becky De Oliveira: That's nice of you.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, it's true.

Becky De Oliveira: It hasn't really caught on.

Japhet De Oliveira: I didn't know that you're referring to yourself as retired until literally now, in this-

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, have I not told you this?

Japhet De Oliveira: No.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah, I'm sort of cagey about what I do. I have noticed people are asking me... back when I had interesting things to say about my work, nobody ever was even remotely interested in what I did for work at all. Nobody asked me, ever. But now that I don't have anything good to say people ask me. The other week a woman asked, "What do you do for work?" And I said, "Well, I'm sort of retired." And she said, "Well, you look very young to be retired." And I said, "I am very young to be retired." And we left it at that.

Japhet De Oliveira: To help our listeners unpack this-

Becky De Oliveira: Understand why I'm retired.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. How long have you been in your current role is the next question. So how long have you been retired?

Becky De Oliveira: Well, I guess since about December 2021.

Japhet De Oliveira: Right.

Becky De Oliveira: So not quite a year.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. I'll leave it there unless you want to say anymore.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, well, do you want me to explain?

Japhet De Oliveira: It probably would help people to understand why-

Becky De Oliveira: I don't know if you're trying to build suspense for your listening audience. I don't know what you're doing.

Japhet De Oliveira: No, I think it'd just be... You decide.

Becky De Oliveira: OK. Well, I can explain. The thing that I hate most, you're going to ask me what I hate most, I do not like it when people allude to things. So I try not to allude to things unless somebody wants me to because they're building suspense. But no, I have brain cancer. So I had two surgeries almost a year ago back in December. And since then, I have some physical, I guess they're physical, they're not really cognitive issues that make it not possible for me to do the types of work that I used to do.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's true.

Becky De Oliveira: And I've been mostly just doing treatment and trying to get through things for the last year.

Japhet De Oliveira: Well, I think you're doing a fabulous job.

Becky De Oliveira: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: In this retirement stage.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. It may not last. If I could find a way to not be retired, I would be not retired. I don't like being retired.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know.

Becky De Oliveira: So...

Japhet De Oliveira: I know. We'll, work on that. All right.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. Let's progress then, and we'll get to the other questions here. But in the morning when you get up, what's your favorite drink of the day? Do you start off with water, with coffee, with tea? Liquid green smoothie?

Becky De Oliveira: Not a liquid green smoothie. No. First thing in the morning, I would have water, and probably later on tea, and sometimes coffee.

Japhet De Oliveira: And you have a cup of tea right now.

Becky De Oliveira: And go back and forth. Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's true. Where were you born?

Becky De Oliveira: I was born in Enumclaw, Washington. That feels like the kind of thing that if I tell you, now someone can steal my identity, so I'm hoping my social security number is not going to come up or my mother's maiden name or anything like that. Enumclaw Washington is at the base of Mount Rainier. It is the Duwamish word, Enumclaw is supposed to mean 'The home of the evil spirits.' I've always been kind of proud of that.

Japhet De Oliveira: Very proud.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. It makes me smile.

Japhet De Oliveira: It does. All right. When you were a child, what did you imagine you would grow up to be?

Becky De Oliveira: I had a lot of different ideas. I wanted to be some kind of a keeper. So bee keeper, zoo keeper, or a train conductor. That was another thing. What other kinds of keeper are there? I feel like there were more. Anyway, those things. I thought I would travel, probably that I would be a traveling explorer, that kind of thing. Adventurous things. That's what I thought that I would do.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. I like all of those. If people were to describe your personality, Beck, if they would describe you as introvert or extrovert, what would they say? And would you agree?

Becky De Oliveira: What other people would say about me? Oh, that's always dangerous. I'm not sure you're supposed to... What is it? That there's a saying about how you should never hear what other people think about you or say about you? I can't think of what it is, but anyway. It's not your question.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know.

Becky De Oliveira: I think probably most people would say that I'm extroverted. I think that's what people would say, especially people who've known me recently. I would say that, no, I'm not, I'm introverted. I just learned to act that part, because it has benefits.

Japhet De Oliveira: Because it has benefits.

Becky De Oliveira: It has benefits for me. I enjoy it to some extent, I do. I find that your personality, especially in that way, can change over time depending on what you do and who you interact with. So I do enjoy interaction with people, but I find that I don't need it. I can be by myself for long periods of time, and I'm usually OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: I agree. Habits. Are you an early riser or a late night owl?

Becky De Oliveira: I get up very early, although not as early as I used to.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Because I thought, I don't really anymore now that I'm semi-retired, I don't have to get up at four o'clock in the morning to get places or to get things done as much, so now I get up at five.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good.

Becky De Oliveira: But I do, I started waking up... I used to be a late riser back before, probably before I was in my late twenties. So I suppose having kids changed that. I got to the point where I wanted to be awake before they were awake, before they were prying my eyes open. I did not want that to ever be a thing that would happen. So I had to wake up before they were awake and it stayed.

Japhet De Oliveira: I'm with you on that. This morning when you woke up what was the first thought that went through your mind?

Becky De Oliveira: This morning when I woke up, what was the first thought? I am trying to remember. That feels like such a long time ago. I usually do the Wordle first thing when I wake up. So I think I was probably deciding what word I would play.

Japhet De Oliveira: I was glad when you woke up this morning and it wasn't four, and it was later. And I thought, "I don't think I feel like I'm going to go for a walk straight away." But I was very glad that you went for your run.

Becky De Oliveira: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: It was good.

Becky De Oliveira: I'm glad that you were glad.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. No, it was great. All right. Leadership question here. Are you a backseat driver?

Becky De Oliveira: In terms of being a leader?

Japhet De Oliveira: Uh-huh.

Becky De Oliveira: I don't really think of myself as a leader.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, OK.

Becky De Oliveira: But if I were a leader, I would not be a backseat driver, I would be the driver.

Japhet De Oliveira: You'd be the driver.

Becky De Oliveira: Absolutely. Why? Is the idea that I'm supposed to be some kind of passenger and I am there passably?

Japhet De Oliveira: No. These are your answers.

Becky De Oliveira: OK. I would be the driver.

Japhet De Oliveira: This is great. I love it.

Becky De Oliveira: I would be the driver.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: I'd be driving a bus.

Japhet De Oliveira: In our marriage are you a backseat driver?

Becky De Oliveira: I don't know. I guess you would have to answer that.

Japhet De Oliveira: Whoa. Definitely front seat.

Becky De Oliveira: I guess you have some sort of point that you're trying to make.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, no. I like it. It's great. All right.

Becky De Oliveira: It's hard to say.

Japhet De Oliveira: I've just gone through the first easiest questions. The first 10. So the floor's yours.

Becky De Oliveira: OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: You get to pick numbers between 11 and 100. Where do you want to go?

Becky De Oliveira: A number between 11 and 100.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. And-

Becky De Oliveira: I'll start with 11.

Japhet De Oliveira: And you can go up and down as the scale goes. All right. Tell us about the most adventurous food or meal that you've ever eaten.

Becky De Oliveira: The most adventurous food or meal. I had Haggis in Scotland about five years ago. I don't know if I... Don't really think of eating food as being an adventurous thing, if it's a food that other people eat then it's fine. I know some people, the idea of a weird flavor or something feels like it's really going out on a limb. I just feel like, "Hey, it's food." I did try haggis. I'll try almost anything in terms of food. There are things that I don't like, obviously, but I would try something once.

Japhet De Oliveira: I was going to say go up or down, but really you just can go up. So after 11, where do you want to go next?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, let me think. 17.

Japhet De Oliveira: 17. Share what day is most special to you on the entire calendar and why?

Becky De Oliveira: A day that comes up every year?

Japhet De Oliveira: I would presume so. Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Probably either of our kids' birthdays.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh.

Becky De Oliveira: I think those are really good days.

Japhet De Oliveira: Are you going to pick?

Becky De Oliveira: What was that?

Japhet De Oliveira: Are you going to pick?

Becky De Oliveira: No, I can't pick one or the other. So I guess that's not fair because I had to pick just one day, right? Oh, then we could have our anniversary. How's that?

Japhet De Oliveira: This is a score.

Becky De Oliveira: That's very nice of me, wasn't it?

Japhet De Oliveira: That's very good. I feel like this podcast is going exceptionally well. All right. After 17, up or down?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, I would have to go... I'm going to keep ascending. I think. Let's go to 25.

Japhet De Oliveira: 25. Share the most beautiful thing that you've ever seen.

Becky De Oliveira: The most beautiful thing I've ever seen. OK. So this scene always sticks in my mind. I don't know if it's the most beautiful, but it is something that I always think of. I was in Venice, years ago, 30 years ago or so. And I was in the plaza and there was someone throwing colored leaflets. It was a really stormy day. So the sky was dark and the wind was swirling. Someone was throwing these colored leaflets off the top of the roof, and people down below were playing cellos. And there was this taunting cello music, the stormy sky, and these colored leaflets just falling in the wind. And I thought, "I will always remember that."

Japhet De Oliveira: What were the leaflets?

Becky De Oliveira: I don't know. I didn't pick one up. They were just colorful. And probably there would've been in Italian, so I wouldn't have been able to understand what they were about. So the person was littering, really. But it was beautiful. If you're going to be negative about it, then-

Japhet De Oliveira: No, that's great.

Becky De Oliveira: But it was beautiful.

Japhet De Oliveira: It was a very positive question.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: Positive answer is great. Let's stay in that space. All right, 25 up or down.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, we'll keep going up. We'll go to 32.

Japhet De Oliveira: 32. If you were featured on the local news, what would the news story likely be?

Becky De Oliveira: If I were featured on the local news, what would the news story likely be? It would be something about me being a miraculous cancer survivor, probably. I'm surprised the news hasn't knocked on my door yet. There are other people who have what I have who've been on the news. I have a friend, but he's survived for nine years. So it truly is kind of a big deal. Me, it's like I haven't even made it to the median yet. So I don't think I'm going to get the news yet.

Japhet De Oliveira: Well, we are hopeful in everything.

Becky De Oliveira: Well, that would be great. And would it be the local news like Denver or would it be like here? Because I don't know if we have news.

Japhet De Oliveira: Is there local news here?

Becky De Oliveira: In this little town that we live in.

Japhet De Oliveira: I don't know. I feel really bad now that I don't know that.

Becky De Oliveira: And they do have a paper that's a paper for the entire region.

Japhet De Oliveira: I feel very connected to my community.

Becky De Oliveira: And it feels like a... It's not really a paper as much as a collection of ads for things. And they'll have some opinion pieces and things like that. Oh, it's very fascinating.

Japhet De Oliveira: It sounds it.

Becky De Oliveira: You'd enjoy it.

Japhet De Oliveira: I think, maybe. All right, where next after that?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, let me see. I said 32, didn't I?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: So I will go with 38.

Japhet De Oliveira: 38. If you needed... Oh, this is great for you. If you needed encouragement, who would you call?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, if I needed encouragement, like somebody to just... Oh, my friend Diane. Definitely. Diane's like the person who's the most, whoo-hoo. She just wrote something really nice on Facebook to me that was encouraging. She's always an upbeat, encouraging person.

Japhet De Oliveira: She is.

Becky De Oliveira: So I would call Diane.

Japhet De Oliveira: And she loves you dearly, and I know you love her as well. It's true. All right. That's beautiful. All right. After 38, up or down?

Becky De Oliveira: I'll go to 41.

Japhet De Oliveira: 41. What are you excited about in life right now?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, I'm excited about quite a few things. We're going on a trip to the UK and to Dublin and Paris, in a couple of weeks. Our eldest son got married this summer, and so we are doing Thanksgiving with his family down in Indiana. We're going to California this week. So I'm excited about travel. And my dad's 80th birthday is going to be this coming year. And so we're trying to figure out something really epic for all of us. I have a brother and he has his family too. So altogether, I think there are 10 or 11 of us. So we have to figure out something to do that would mark that.

Japhet De Oliveira: We did try to do the Hawaii thing, but it looked like it was going to cost us our entire house and-

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah, Hawaii's become weirdly expensive.

Japhet De Oliveira: It must be the season.

Becky De Oliveira: It's always been expensive, but weirdly so.

Japhet De Oliveira: So we'll do something else. All right. Brilliant. Where next? After that?

Becky De Oliveira: I said 41, I did that one, didn't I?

Japhet De Oliveira: 41. Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Let's go to 49.

Japhet De Oliveira:

49. What are you currently learning about and why?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, I'm learning how to listen to audio books because one of my disabilities, anymore... I used to learn about all kinds of things, and I did it mostly through reading. So I would read a lot. And now I listen to audio books and I find that I'm learning the skill of even doing that. Beyond that, I don't feel like I've been spending a lot of time learning. I do Duolingo, I'm learning Spanish, badly. Our entire family works on that together. But yeah, this has been a... I defended my dissertation and that took a lot of mental effort. And so I feel like... I don't know. I just putter around and learn some things. But I'm learning how to do things again.

Japhet De Oliveira: I like that. That's good.

Becky De Oliveira: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. All right. Where next? That was 49.

Becky De Oliveira: That was 49.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: 51.

Japhet De Oliveira: 51. Tell us about something that you know you do differently than most other people?

Becky De Oliveira: Something I do differently. I know there are a ton of things. I'm blanking on anything in particular that I would do differently than most other people.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: What do I do differently than most other people? So many things. Can you think of anything?

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: OK. Give me a prompt, because I honestly-

Japhet De Oliveira: I go to you because I think you think differently to most other people.

Becky De Oliveira: OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. You are my best advisor.

Becky De Oliveira: Well, maybe that's why I can't even answer this question. I don't know what I do differently than most other people.

Japhet De Oliveira: No, I think that you have a perspective, you look at things.

Becky De Oliveira: OK, I'll give you something. I like to do everything the hard way.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, really?

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. That might be something that all other people do. I would say that that's something... If somebody tells me, "Oh, this'll be easy." Then I think, "I don't want to do that." Because I've noticed this. I used to work in an academic program where they would try to market to the students. "This'll be easy, it won't take up a lot of your time. It'll be effortless." And I would think, "Why would anyone want to do that?"

Japhet De Oliveira: I can give you reasons.

Becky De Oliveira: It doesn't have any value. So I like to do everything the hard way.

Japhet De Oliveira: You do.

Becky De Oliveira: Or even when I... I just do everything the hard way.

Japhet De Oliveira: I think you also absolutely put effort into something and you're not afraid of something that's complex. So maybe that's exactly what you're saying. I've seen that a lot about you. You'll see something and say, "Oh, I'll do that." You give it mileage, for sure.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. OK. Where next after that? That was 51.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, let me think. I feel like I should jump to the sixties. 66.

Japhet De Oliveira: 66. All right. Tell us about one of your favorite songs and what do you love about it?

Becky De Oliveira: One of my favorite songs. Favorite song, favorite song, favorite song. I like country music. But I'm trying to think what my favorite one is. I don't even have a favorite. I don't have favorites.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know. I was just about to say-

Becky De Oliveira: This is …

Japhet De Oliveira: I was like, "Wait a second."

Becky De Oliveira: I know. I hate this when people are, "What's your favorite color?" I don't have a favorite color. I don't have a favorite song. I don't have a favorite. I have things that I like. Oh, there's a country song called 'Find Out Who Your Friends are.' I like that. It's about how you get stuck in a ditch and your miles out of town, and who are you going to call? That's how you find out who your friends are. Somebody will come and show up and help you.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. That's good.

Becky De Oliveira: So I like the lyrics of that. There's so many songs that I like.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know. We have this conversation often about the fact that I never know any lyrics to any song. And Becky, you know all the lyrics to all the songs.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. And I really like Creep by Radiohead.

Japhet De Oliveira: There you go.

Becky De Oliveira: Don't ask me why. But it's a song I like quite a bit.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. That was good. All right. Where next now?

Becky De Oliveira: That was 66.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yes.

Becky De Oliveira: 70.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. 70. Tell us about one thing that you are determined to accomplish?

Becky De Oliveira: From this point on, because I've done almost all the things I was determined to accomplish.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know. PhD and... Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. Something else I'm determined to accomplish. I would like to find some way to do something of use again. I'd like to finish writing my book that I'm working on, so that would be an accomplishment. And maybe just to find something unexpected that I could do and to accomplish that.

Japhet De Oliveira: Now you should probably explain to people that it is extremely difficult for you to write now.

Becky De Oliveira: It's not as bad for me to write. It's hard for me to read what I've written. And that was always an important part of it. I'm a big re-writer.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: So I can type away. My fingers are still fine. But what I used to rely on quite a bit was going back over and thinking, "OK, do I like the way that I did that?" I chop and change things and move things around a lot, so that aspect is harder than it used to be. Like writing my dissertation, I did the last two chapters of it. And the beauty of academic writing as opposed to the writing that you actually hope that people read and enjoy. That kind of thing you just have to be extremely pedantic and say the same thing over and over again. So that was hard in its own way, but it wasn't as difficult as what I'm trying to do now, which is meant to be something that someone would enjoy reading.

And I have very firm ideas about what that is and what that is not. So I'm not willing to just be boring the way that I was when I was writing my dissertation and it's very boring. It's 274 pages of just... Oh my goodness. Shoot me.

Japhet De Oliveira: Rather, you than me. Well done.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. Well, it wasn't so bad to write, I feel worse for anyone who has to think about reading it.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. That was 70. Where next?

Becky De Oliveira: 74.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. What gives you hope?

Becky De Oliveira: Hope for anything in particular?

Japhet De Oliveira: Anything in particular. You can clarify.

Becky De Oliveira: Well, I guess I would say, what is something that we lack hope for? A lot of us, I think at the moment, lack hope for the future. Hope for humanity. And sometimes I don't have a lot of hope for those things, because I think... Who was I was just... I was just reading something someone wrote or talking to someone. Oh no, it was the sermon. It was at church. He was talking about how the more common trajectory in human history is for people to be atrocious to one another. And that periods of peace and prosperity and kindness are the exception, not the rule. And we tend to think of it as the other way. If we're noticing people being nasty or violent, that's more the rule, historically speaking than it is the exception.

So that gives me kind of a hopeless feeling, because I think... I don't know. I used to think that we had a forward trajectory, that people were doing better, that we had some insight into the past that would have something to do with the future. And I feel less hopeful about that. I guess what gives me hope, in spite of that, is I think it's too depressing to just live in that space. So I think that tides do turn.

Japhet De Oliveira: Sure.

Becky De Oliveira: So I think if we're headed toward a bad place, there will inevitably be a rise in the opposite direction, so that's helpful. I guess just the ebb and flow, gives me some hope.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. That there will be a return.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. I'm with you. That was 74. Where next?

Becky De Oliveira: That was 74. 78.

Japhet De Oliveira: 78. I love this question for you. Tell us about what gives you childlike joy?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, childlike joy.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Do I have childlike joy?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. I see it all the time.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. I will laugh myself silly about things. I'm just trying to think what do I get really joyous and excited about?

Japhet De Oliveira: And this is not often laughing at me, right? It's just laughing at things that are funny.

Becky De Oliveira: I think I like to go back to places that I used to go and just enjoy being in those spaces. I like to hang out with my brother and his kids and my family back in Washington State. I like hanging out with my own kids. We will sit and just laugh about things. Our eldest was out for visit last week, and that was really nice. We have a lot of fun. And we'll just sit and laugh about ridiculous things like most people do.

Japhet De Oliveira: You do.

Becky De Oliveira: Yeah. I think most people do.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. That's good. All right. Where next, after 78?

Becky De Oliveira: 81.

Japhet De Oliveira: 81. OK.

Becky De Oliveira: No, 82.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. All right. Hey, if you could keep three possessions, what would they be and why?

Becky De Oliveira: Three possessions. This is incredibly difficult. So not three classes of possessions like all my photographs or?

Japhet De Oliveira: I like that. That's very clever.

Becky De Oliveira: Literally three things.

Japhet De Oliveira: You interpret it the way you want is the beauty.

Becky De Oliveira: I have a 200 year old Russian Orthodox icon. I'd keep that. I would keep... Well, no, this is impossible because... Let me think. I'd keep a photo album, just one of them. I'm not sure which one. I can pick.

Japhet De Oliveira: Maybe the new one that you're making.

Becky De Oliveira: My latest one. OK, well, there you go. You answered that for me, so I'd keep that one. And I would keep one of my mom's glass carnival dishes.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Why not? That would be cool. So those three things. The point where I can only keep three things, I must feel like there's no point in keeping anything.

Japhet De Oliveira: Is it hard for you? There's 82 A, it's not on here.

Becky De Oliveira: OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: Is it hard for you because you've already decided what to give away?

Becky De Oliveira: No.

Japhet De Oliveira: No.

Becky De Oliveira: I don't think so.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK.

Becky De Oliveira: Well, I'm assuming that I would only have three things because there's a disaster or a fire or something like that.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, no, I know.

Becky De Oliveira: I'm not thinking in terms of that I'm going to voluntarily go and have a garage sale and I'm keeping these three things.

Japhet De Oliveira: I'm curious.

Becky De Oliveira: I don't know. In that case, I would almost rather just get rid of everything and walk barefoot into the-

Japhet De Oliveira: Into the woods.

Becky De Oliveira: ... into the Rocky Mountains.

Japhet De Oliveira: Into the Rocky Mountains. OK. Hey, that was 82, 82 A as well. Where'd you want to go next?

Becky De Oliveira: 83.

Japhet De Oliveira: 83. Think about your favorite childhood memory, what was it?

Becky De Oliveira: Wow, these questions are so difficult because it's like assuming that I have a memory at all, I do. My favorite, I would say, just something that I remember that I am fond of in terms of a memory. I don't know again, favorite is not my favorite word. But we used to go down to the Oregon coast on vacations when I was a kid from when I was about five, four or five onward. Four, I think. And we stayed usually there during the winter months. We'd go there in November, February. It would be torrential rain like a hurricane, gale force winds, that kind of thing. And we had a swimming room, not a room, a house, that was opposite where the hotel was.

And we'd have to run across the outdoors to get there in this horrific winds and hurricane and all that. And I like that memory of all of us running from our room across this wet pavement, slipping a sliding. I would be wearing unsuitable footwear, slide, fall, sometimes skin, my knee maybe. But I would end up inside and go into a hot jacuzzi tub. And it's just a fun memory.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's beautiful.

Becky De Oliveira: I like storms, I suppose, or I did back then.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. You have time for two more questions.

Becky De Oliveira: OK. So any numbers that I want.

Japhet De Oliveira: Any numbers? Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: Go 90 and then we'll go back somewhere.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. 90. Tell us about how you overcame a seemingly insurmountable obstacle?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh yikes. Have I overcome any seemingly insurmountable obstacles? French. I had to take eight credits to graduate French back in the year 2013. And I had never studied, I was doing a different PhD program then. I had never studied French. I didn't take it in high school or college. And I had to go and learn translation. So you have to learn all 14 verb tenses, most of which aren't even used in everyday conversational French. But you have to know them. So I had to go from knowing nothing with French to being able to pass these classes and passing in graduate school means getting at least a B. And really you would like to get an A. And the second semester, the first one wasn't too bad, the woman was pretty easy on us. She let us use open books and things quite a bit.

But the second, and these were each eight week, they were compressed semesters. So the second one, we had to memorize everything. We had to write a full, what she called a compose, where it was the entire... all the words that you would have all the conjugations of a single verb. We'd have to go up to the board and write all of these. And it was like 94 words, I think. And then our tests were just horrific. So the first, I think it was the first two exams I took, I got like 80% and you needed an 82 or an 83 to pass. So I was failing the first two.

And I just... all day, six hours a day, I would study French, study French, study French, until I just wanted to scream. And I did get an A in that semester. I still count that as one of my single largest accomplishments as a person-

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great.

Becky De Oliveira: ... ever. Because I really couldn't see how it was ever going to pass.

Japhet De Oliveira: It was fantastic.

Becky De Oliveira: And 80% seemed like it was pretty good, to be honest, when you know nothing, it felt OK. But it was not going to be good enough.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right, last question. Which number do you want to go to?

Becky De Oliveira: Let's go back to... Have we done 19?

Japhet De Oliveira: No, we did not.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, let's do 19. Let's go back to something easy. Although I don't know how you rank these in order of hardness and difficulty because it is all dependent on... Some questions are harder for some people than other. You know what I mean?

Japhet De Oliveira: I'll explain afterwards.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh yeah, that's fine.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's fine. 19. What is your exercise routine?

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, what a great question. Well, it's so terrible because it's not as good as it used to be. I just run three miles, I have to run on a treadmill holding on. Now because my eyesight, I'm liable to trip and fall and knock my teeth out and stuff. So I do that. And then I usually walk about seven miles in the morning and I walk again variable lengths later in the day. So an average day, I usually do at least 13 miles on my feet.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yes. I know.

Becky De Oliveira: 13 to 15 to 17. I did like 20 I think on Saturday. So sometimes I'll have a bigger day, but I used to regularly do 18 to 22 before I had surgery and all of that stuff. So I did quite a bit more and the pandemic was very helpful because I was able to walk a lot more during that time period. The last couple of years have been big walking years.

Japhet De Oliveira: So technically we're done with our time. We've maxed out our time. And so we've ended these questions here. However, I was hoping you were going to pick a particular number.

Becky De Oliveira: Oh, you were. OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: I was and I was wondering whether you would let me ask you that question.

Becky De Oliveira: You can, yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Becky De Oliveira: You should really just pick the numbers and then you'd be able to ask the questions that you want.

Japhet De Oliveira: No, because that's not the way it works. But this is an exception.

Becky De Oliveira: That's the way it could work.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. I think I designed it this way. So I'm going to try and break this rule for one time. And I'd like to ask you question number 92.

Becky De Oliveira: OK.

Japhet De Oliveira: How would you like to be remembered?

Becky De Oliveira: Wow. Well, one of the things I think about the most is how pretty much every situation, you as a person, you have one particular kind of power, which is there are lots of kinds of power that you don't have. You can't fix things, you can't cure things, you can't change things always. But I do think you can usually make things a little bit better, maybe a lot better. You can make things better. You can make them worse. So you can take a bad situation and you can make it worse, or you can make it a little bit better through your presence.

I would like to have people think that generally speaking, I made things better, in a given situation. And I think about this quite a bit, that you get into my situation and you realize the only thing you have is what people remember-

Japhet De Oliveira: Yes.

Becky De Oliveira: ... about you and so that becomes a bit more important. And then you think, "Well, why am I kicking airline attendants as I get on the plane?" I'm kidding. I don't do that.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know.

Becky De Oliveira: But you do think a bit more about whether you're making things better or worse. And I think everybody has bad moments, but if you can try to minimize those, I think that's possible. So I would like to have people remember that, that I did a decent job of making things better.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's beautiful. Thank you. I love you.

Becky De Oliveira: I love you too.

Japhet De Oliveira: Right. Well Becky, thank you so much for the time to share. And I want to encourage everybody who's listening to do the same thing every week, every time we have one of these episodes, I encourage you to do the same. Sit down, have a cup of tea as Becky has right now. Sit down with someone that you know or are getting to know. Ask them good questions. Listen, because their answers and their comments, their ideas, they change you like they change me. And I encourage you to do the same as well. Beck, thanks so much.

Becky De Oliveira: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: God bless everybody. You take care.

Narrator: Thank you for joining us. For The Story & Experience Podcast. We invite you to read, watch, and submit your story and experience at AdventistHealth.org/Story. The Story & Experience Podcast was bought to you by Adventist Health through the Office of Culture.