Jennifer Diehl
Episode 83

Narrator: Welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. Join your host, Japhet De Oliveira, with his guest today, and discover the moments that shape us, our families and communities.

Japhet De Oliveira: Welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. I'm sitting across the table here from a good friend, and I'm delighted to be able to, at long last, after many, many times to be able to arrive at this moment. So, I see that they're smiling, which is as always a great sign, this is going to go extremely well. I'm going to begin with the first 10 questions, and for anyone who's listening to the very first time, after that, they get to choose between 11 and 100 where we’re going to go. As you get closer to 100, it is more vulnerable, more complex, and so they get to dance where they want to, inside this. But it's about stories and experience that shape your life. So we'll begin with question number one. Could you tell us your name and does anybody ever mispronounce it?

Jennifer Diehl: Hello.

Japhet De Oliveira: Hello.

Jennifer Diehl: My name is Jennifer Kwak Diehl.

Japhet De Oliveira: Really?

Jennifer Diehl: Yes. And yes, it has been mispronounced. Diehl is my married name, and Kwak is my maiden name.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, fantastic.

Jennifer Diehl: It's Korean. And so it was often mispronounced as a child.

Japhet De Oliveira: And what did you do as a child? Did you let it go or?

Jennifer Diehl: Yeah, of course, I let it go. But when I was a toddler, I had really bad pigeon toe, and so I had to have corrective bars on my legs and so I waddled around.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, no.

Jennifer Diehl: And so it got around that, "She's doing the Quack walk."

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, no.

Jennifer Diehl: So, kids can be terrible.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, my. That's, oh, I felt it going there. Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: Too quick. It was going there, but yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh my. Now, do you prefer to go by Jennifer or Jen, or?

Jennifer Diehl: Either, really.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: Jennifer. Jen. Only my family calls me Jenny. But yeah, otherwise Jennifer or Jen is good.

Japhet De Oliveira: Brilliant. Well, OK. Jennifer, tell us what you do for work.

Jennifer Diehl: What do I do for work? That's a loaded question. I'd like to say that I'm in the business of opportunity. So I guess my title would be HR Executive for Talent Acquisition and Workforce Development. But ultimately, I think that's just about giving opportunity and presenting opportunity, getting ready for opportunity as we make decisions and moving forward through our lives and our careers, and opportunity to explore new careers and new challenges. And so I like to think that I'm in that business.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yes. And you love what you do.

Jennifer Diehl: I love my job.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know this.

Jennifer Diehl: I love my job. I honestly feel very confident in saying that I have the best job in all of Adventist Health.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK.

Jennifer Diehl: I know people won't agree with me, but I really do. It's not always easy. It's actually never easy, but it is incredibly fulfilling.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, it is. And look, you have to unpack that a little bit. Could you tell people how is it so fulfilling, and what do you see happen? I mean...

Jennifer Diehl: Well, it's a little bit of a long story.

Japhet De Oliveira: Well, OK. Well, we will go long for a while and then we'll jump back in.

Jennifer Diehl: Are you sure?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: OK. Well, I was actually born and raised in Southern California, in Los Angeles. I'm an only child. My father is Korean, my mother is German and French, and grew up in LA as an only child. And went to school, was very independent as a young person. Got married probably way too young, but I did it anyways because I'm in love with love. And so that didn't really work out. And so after my first divorce, that I was working in the mortgage industry as a loan officer in Encino, which is in the San Fernando Valley of Southern California.

Japhet De Oliveira: Right.

Jennifer Diehl: And it was in 2007 when it was during the mortgage meltdown, right? At the cusp of the mortgage meltdown, the beginning of that recession. And, I went to work one day on a random Tuesday or Wednesday, and I noticed a bunch of people sitting outside of our building, and they were my coworkers, and end up that the doors were closed. And that's how we found out the business had gone under, overnight.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, my.

Jennifer Diehl: So it was pretty terrible. I didn't know really what to do, I'd never been unemployed before, since I was 13, basically. And so my roommate at the time was doing her medical residency at White Memorial Medical Center in East LA, and her father was the chief of radiology at the time. And he volunteered to take my resume down to the HR department at White Memorial. And I said, "Yes, please. Please let me write it up for you. I'll do anything. I'll wash dishes, I'll clean, I'll do whatever it takes. I just need a job." And again, I'd been recently divorced, so I had lost my house, lost my car.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh my goodness.

Jennifer Diehl: Total. Start over, restart on my life. Now I have to look for a new job. So it was pretty intense at the time, in all honesty. And I lost a little bit of my faith and the Lord, and I weren't quite on the same page for a while. And I've had some struggles there in my faith. But long story short, Dr. Neglio walks into the director of HR's office the next day, throws my resume on her desk and basically says, "Please hire this woman." And Natasha Milatovich was the HR director at the time. And she sits there and rolls her eyes, "Sure, sure. Dr. Neglio, no problem. I'll give her a call, whatever." And so she did end up calling me the next day and she said, "Hey, I have a job opening, it's for my assistant. Are you interested?" And I said, "Of course I'm interested. I'd love to apply." So she said, "Why don't you come down tomorrow and we'll schedule about 30 minutes together and we'll see how it goes, and we'll go from there."

So I went down to the office, to the hospital the next day, and what was supposed to be 30 minutes turned into about two and a half hours of a conversation.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, yeah?

Jennifer Diehl: So we just hit it off right away, right off the bat, very synergistic. And she offered me the job on the spot. And so I started, and at the time, I didn't have a college degree. I had a couple years under my belt at Cal State Northridge, but I dropped out and was working as her assistant. And as I was getting to know her, she was getting to know me. I realized that this woman really values education. I mean, in a real way. She's pretty obsessed about it. And so she kept telling me, "Jen, you're doing a great job, but you really got to go back to school. You've got to go back and get your degree."

And I'd be like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever lady. Here's your next appointment." And so we'd just go on in our daily lives together, me supporting her. And one day a recruiter position opened up, and I thought to myself, "I really like what they do, I think. They're super popular. Everybody wants to come see them. They're always going to these cool events. I want to do that."

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: And so I told Natasha, and she said, "Well, you've only been in this role for six months, but what the heck? Apply and we'll see how it goes." And so she gave it to me, obviously. And so I'm learning the recruitment business. But as we're going along over the next several years, Natasha kept saying, "You got to go back to school. You got to go back to school." And I realized this woman really is obsessed with this, and she will not leave me alone.

So finally one day I said, "OK, I hear you. I think I should go back to school. But when? When should I go back to school? Lady, you work me like a dog. I'm here all day. I'm here all night. You'd barely pay me anything. How am I going to do this?" And she said, "Oh, is that the problem?" I said, "Yeah, that's the problem." She goes, "I'll call you back." And so she ends up calling me back about this topic a month later, and she said, "So you were complaining you don't have the time and the opportunity. So I have actually brought La Sierra University to White Memorial, and they have now set up an AA to MBA program, and you are going to go to school, you're going to go to class in the cafeteria every Wednesday from six to 10 for the next three and a half years, and then you will be done with your Masters."

And I was like, "Rut row." She called me on it and so I said, "OK, well fine, I'll do it." And so we had a great cohort of local leaders, some administrative assistants that I had previously been to. And we had a couple nurses that wanted their MBAs. We had some executives, some physicians that wanted an MBA. So we had this great little cohort and every Wednesday from six to 10 at night, for three and a half years, in our cafeteria, I earned my bachelor's in Business and my master's in Business Administration.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: And so, and the whole time I'm working, I get promoted to senior recruiter, then to manager, then manager of a couple locations. And then that's when Doris Tetz Carpenter called me and said, "Hey, would you interested in coming up here for a system position?" And I was like, "Of course I'm interested. I would love to." So, when you're going back to your original question, why do I do what I do?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yes.

Jennifer Diehl: And what inspires me? Is that I never would've had the opportunity to explore this position in Roseville, in my current role. I would never have had such a real opportunity to get my degree, to invest in myself, knowing that have Adventist Health was investing in me, that I had a mentor that was investing in me. When I started 15 years ago as an administrative assistant, and here I am today, an HR executive. And only because of the opportunities that Adventist Health gave me exclusively, that is the only reason why.

So I feel obligated, karmically, spiritually, however, you want to say it. I feel a sense of duty to give back what was given to me, knowing that there's so much more that's possible. People have so much potential, but they need somebody to believe in them, and they need somebody to knock down these barriers for them so that they can then realize their own potential. Because that was what was given to me. And so, I mean, just imagine if everybody had that opportunity...

Japhet De Oliveira: It's true.

Jennifer Diehl: Where we would be?

Japhet De Oliveira: That's true. It's true.

Jennifer Diehl: And I want to be a part of that, so.

Japhet De Oliveira: I love this story, and I'm so glad you shared it right at the very beginning, because I think that it's just so encouraging that there are people, like you said. You get to experience this, and now you do this for others as well. And you do this full-time where you try to help people discover their potential, and they get to work for this great company and then Yeah, and grow. That's great. Well done. Well done. Thank you.

Jennifer Diehl: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: I'm sure many people will be very jealous of your job. All right. So we heard a little bit about where you were born. When you were a little kid back there, what did you imagine you would've grew up to be?

Jennifer Diehl: What did I want to be when I was younger?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. First. Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: A dancer.

Japhet De Oliveira: Really?

Jennifer Diehl: I did.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. All right.

Jennifer Diehl: I was in ballet, tap and jazz for my entire childhood, and I just loved it.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, that's great. And so you did it a lot then?

Jennifer Diehl: I did and my father was very supportive. But always, "This is a great expression. What are we thinking about for a job." Always keeping it very realistic for me, so.

Japhet De Oliveira: Hey, that's good. Hey, a couple of quick, practical questions.

Jennifer Diehl: Sure.

Japhet De Oliveira: When you get up in the morning and you drink of the day, do you start up with water, coffee, tea?

Jennifer Diehl: Coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, OK. I didn't get to liquid green smoothie and it’s “coffee,” yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: Goodness. No.

Japhet De Oliveira: No.

Jennifer Diehl: Ew, green smoothie?

Japhet De Oliveira: What kind of coffee?

Jennifer Diehl: Straight, black.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah? OK. Drip or espresso?

Jennifer Diehl: I bought an espresso machine because I love it. And then I broke it, so I don't know how, I think it's just exhausted. The poor thing just puckered out. So now I'm in an instant coffee mode.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is.

Jennifer Diehl: I mean, you got to do what you got to do.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. That's fair enough. That's great. Hey, when people describe you, do they describe you as introvert or extrovert? And would you agree?

Jennifer Diehl: So, surprise, surprise.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: People do describe me as an extrovert. I do agree. I love interacting with people. I love interactions with other energy, with other spirits. I just love, and I mean that by who you are and who other people. I love the diversity, learning about people's background, their experiences, why they think, what they want to do. I just love that. But I also, so I don't know if this makes me an intro-extro, but when I need to recharge, I need to recharge by myself. But I also feed off of others' energy, so I don't know. I don't know what you would call that. What do you call that, Japhet?

Japhet De Oliveira: I'm going to let you leave it and let it linger there, because I think there's quite a lot of people who are in the same space.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, good. So I'm not alone?

Japhet De Oliveira: No, no, no, no. It's great. It's great. It's beautiful. I like it. That's good. All right. Are you an early riser or late night owl?

Jennifer Diehl: Late night.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. All right. This morning when you got up, first thing that went through your mind?

Jennifer Diehl: "Five more minutes."

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. That's good. That's good. That's good. All right. Now you lead a team system-wide for the company. Lots of people, this is a leadership question. Are you a backseat driver?

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, no. No. Not at all. First off, I say that because I don't even actually know how to do that.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK.

Jennifer Diehl: I don't know how to micro. It's, I don't think, I don't know if anybody can do it well. I feel like that could be an oxymoron a little bit, but I try to lead the way. I like to be led. Trust, support. I guess that's it.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, that's good.

Jennifer Diehl: Yeah. I mean, I like to hire people who I know I can trust, develop folks into subject-matter experts, strategists, critical thinkers. But you could only really do that by challenging somebody, inspiring them, not telling them what to do. If I want them to be critical thinkers, they have to learn how to do that. It can't be a critical thinker by being told what to do every second of the day because then you're not thinking for yourself. You're not thinking about the future. You're not thinking about all the possible angles that you should be thinking about when considering a situation. So I don't have time to micro, I don't want to do it. I'm terrible at it. And nobody actually likes to be micromanaged. So it's just not a good thing all around, I don't think.

Japhet De Oliveira: Hey, that's good. That's good. All right. The floor is open. Where would you like to go? Between 11 and 100.

Jennifer Diehl: Pick a number.

Japhet De Oliveira: People do ask me that and I invariably just remind them that it's actually your choice.

Jennifer Diehl: Let's start at 95.

Japhet De Oliveira: 95. OK. All right, here we go. Tell us about how you see your faith and life intersecting.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, boy.

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. This is good. This is good.

Jennifer Diehl: OK. Yeah, let's get to the hard stuff. Well, I think I mentioned I had a little bit of a dry spell with the old man upstairs. And there were parts of my life where I, in all honesty, pure transparency, have felt completely abandoned by God and all alone, and lost my faith, been angry with God. And this is going to sound so corny, but during the time when I first started working at White Memorial, I had never worked at a faith-based organization before. I'd only worked for nonprofit, very revenue driven, especially in the finance world. So it was interesting to me. I was raised Catholic, I went to an all-girls Catholic school in the Valley. And so I wasn't, it wasn't rare for me to be around a religious thought or a group. But like I said, I struggled and I got my first communion when I was in second grade, it's actually where I met my current husband.

And then, that's another story. And then when I was in high school, and I don't know how much you know about the Catholic religion, but when you're a young adult or late teen, you go through confirmation. And it's really a year of classes and you ask all your questions, you learn more. And then basically as an adult, you say, "OK, I've learned, and I'm consciously and educated-ly just making this decision, I want to be a Catholic." And so I talked to my dad about it, who's a devout Catholic. And I said to him, "I don't really want to do this." And he said, well, here's what I will agree to. You do the one year of class, ask all the questions you want to ask, find out your answers, commit to doing the year. If at the end of the year you still don't want to do this, you don't have to."

And I said, "OK, fine, fair. I'll do it."

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: So, of course, rebellious young woman, and I don't know, I was probably 11th grade at an all-girls Catholic school and I am ready to ask my tough questions. I'm thinking, this doesn't sound right, any of this. And so I did ask my tough questions and I had a very inspirational confirmation teacher who really understood what I was coming from. And she got my angles, she got some of the questions that I had. And so she really connected with me. And at the end of the day, just decided it wasn't for me and it wasn't what I could really get behind. So I didn't do it. But fast forward, like I said, working at White Memorial was very interesting because it brought me back to that space again, a little bit. And at first, I was a little resistant because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. And I had just gone through this horrific experience with my first husband.

But there was a coworker of mine in HR, her name was Grace Umana, bless her heart. She just passed away a couple years ago. And she was the compensation analyst there. And between her and Chaplain, Edgar Urbina would, I think they tag-teamed me. They were on a mission to bring me back, the lost sheep, back to the flock. They wanted to bring me back but they did so in such a loving and open and patient way. And Grace would come into my office and say, "OK, what book are you reading now?" And I used to love romance novels, because who doesn't? Man, that's too much information.

It's important because I would tell her about these stories and she would say, I love romance novels too. But she said, "I got the greatest love story you have ever heard, will you read it?" And I was like, "well, yeah, I'm in, of course. Sounds great." And she brought me the Bible and I was like, "That was pretty tricky, Gracie, you really tricked me on this one." And so she brought me the old traditional one and I was like, "Grace, I've tried to read this before, but it just reads like leather. I just don't understand it." And no joke, she brought me, a week later, a collection of Bible stories for kids.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK.

Jennifer Diehl: And I wasn't offended. I was intrigued. I was like, "OK, now this I can get into." Because I want to be excited, I want to be in it, I want to be mystified, interested. And this is a really easy way for, like a gateway for me to understand it.

Japhet De Oliveira: Absolutely.

Jennifer Diehl: Because, of course, I've tried to read the Bible. I went to Catholic School and I've tried to read it a thousand times and I can't get through it. And so she's like, "This is how you're going to get through it." And so every day she would come in for five minutes in the morning, we'd both grab our coffee and we would read together one of those stories. And she would every single day, and not in a way that felt imposing or intimidating or aggressive, but she really, she loved her Lord so much and she knew that it was in there for me, but she was just trying to help me rediscover it.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: And, same thing with Edgar Urbina, Chaplain Urbina. He really invested his time and he went a very non-judgmental, very holistic and inclusive way just talked to me about my faith. And he never pressed anything on me.

Japhet De Oliveira: So beautiful.

Jennifer Diehl: Yeah. And again, thanks to Adventist Health. And I know it sounds so corny, but...

Japhet De Oliveira: No.

Jennifer Diehl: ... This is how I've grown here and I'm just so thankful.

Japhet De Oliveira: Professionally and spiritually.

Jennifer Diehl: That is correct.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. That's beautiful. Hey, I am... That's wonderful. And these are great stories, great moments. It actually speaks into everybody's life. I mean, we all have the circuitous journey that we take and we don't know what the path is. And so it's beautiful to see.

Jennifer Diehl: Meant to be though, I think.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: She was meant to be in my life and so was Chaplain, Urbina, they served a very important purpose.

Japhet De Oliveira: What great memories of good people. That's great. That's lovely.

Jennifer Diehl: Yeah. Absolutely.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. That's fantastic. Right. So that was 95. Where would you like to go next?

Jennifer Diehl: I'm almost afraid, let's go up.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK.

Jennifer Diehl: 96.

Japhet De Oliveira: 96? 96. Right. Hey, if you would, and I know you have some tissue right now, but if you would tell us about a time when you last cried.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, I cry every day. I mean, I'm not afraid to admit it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm not going to lie. It is who I am. I am a very, I'm very connected to who I am. And I don't know, I guess I'm easily touched. I'm easily moved. So yes, I cry at Toyota commercials. Yes. I cry at Hallmark Christmas movies. Yes. I cry on, I've cried on episodes of Friends before just because I'm very easily moved and I have a big heart, I think, sometimes for other people and sympathy. So I don't know. I do.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good.

Jennifer Diehl: I cry all the time.

Japhet De Oliveira: Hey, it's good. It's good for you.

Jennifer Diehl: I was... Yeah, I was going to say, apparently it's a very healthy outlet.

Japhet De Oliveira: It is really good.

Jennifer Diehl: Keeps you young, and you release all of that, any type of negative pent-up feelings. You don't want to keep that inside. It'll turn into toxicity and...

Japhet De Oliveira: It's true. It actually helps you to become more optimistic.

Jennifer Diehl: Yes.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, I agree.

Jennifer Diehl: And positivity is in my top five, so maybe it's because I cry all the time.

Japhet De Oliveira: Well, I'd encourage everybody who's listening just try it.

Jennifer Diehl: I mean it's out now.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right, so that was 96. Where next?

Jennifer Diehl: Keep going.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. Does that mean 97?

Jennifer Diehl: Yes, sir.

Japhet De Oliveira: OK. All right. Tell us about a time when you did the right thing.

Jennifer Diehl: As opposed to the wrong thing? OK. I mean, I don't know if I want to get personal, but do people get personal on these things?

Japhet De Oliveira: Some do.

Jennifer Diehl: I want to say, when one of them, I think I've done a couple of right things, but one of them going back to their previous story was to decide to stand up for my convictions, believe in myself and say all these other exterior pressures and 16 years of this environment. And I'm going to say, "I don't want to be a Catholic. I don't want to do this." Now, it doesn't mean I don't love and honor their traditions. It doesn't mean that I don't have faith in God, because I have a very strong relationship…Thank God...

Japhet De Oliveira: Thank God for it. Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: ... For our relationship now. But it took a minute to get there, but it took, I think, some courage to stand up to my father, who is a more conservative Korean man. And he didn't give me any reason to fear him. He never has, he's been very... We have a very strong relationship, but it was still intimidating because I didn't want to disappoint him. So I think it was the right thing for me. And I felt good about my decision, but it wasn't easy. It was very hard to do that.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. It is coming of age as well and being honoring at the same time. I understand. That's a real tension. Well, thank you for sharing that. 97.

Where next?

Jennifer Diehl: Keep going.

Japhet De Oliveira: So 98. All right. What is one great thing that you are capable of achieving?

Jennifer Diehl: Oh boy.

Well, I can tell you what I am striving for that I hope to achieve. And I think that's to eventually love without fear. And so obviously when folks have been hurt in the past, it's a natural reaction to scare away from things that have hurt you in the past. When you touch a hot stove, it hurts so you typically don't do that again as you learn. And I don't mean just in romantic way, but just in friendships, in the love that I have for this organization, the love that I have for my friends, my community, the love that I have for myself, the love that I have for my four-legged children. All of those things in my life that I love. I want to be able to do so without fear. And then I want, which I'm hoping will help me to love more freely without hesitation, without second thought.

And sometimes I feel like it's hard for me to do that. So that's what I am hoping to achieve.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: I know I'm capable of doing it. So, it's work on yourself every single day, of having honest conversations. And, "Jen, what are you really scared of? How bad.? So what if you get hurt? You will survive. You've done it before, you'll do it again. You will grow, but it won't be forever. Your hurt won't be forever. So throw caution to the wind and just go for it." And so I have these little pep talks and whether that's on a project I'm working on that I'm worried about messing up or missing a deadline or whatever it is. I just keep giving myself these little pep talks, "You can do it. It's going to be fine. Just, nose to the ground. Throw caution to the wind. Don't let fear stand in your way." And so that's my mantra, I guess.

Japhet De Oliveira: So I have to ask, this is a 98 A.

Jennifer Diehl: You're making this up.

Japhet De Oliveira: I know.

No, it's true. It's true, 98 A, it's a new question. How did you discover that? How did you come to that realization that you possibly could have fear with love?

Jennifer Diehl: I think it was, my gosh, I didn't realize this was going to be so personal. But it's OK, I don't mind sharing. I'm an open book, judge away. It was really after my first marriage ended. And I knew I wanted a life partner, I knew I didn't want to travel in this life alone. And I didn't know if that was going to happen. And I had to come to terms with the fact that it might not happen. And I have to be OK with that. And so that's where letting go of some of the fear of being alone really and some therapy too. Of course, I'm not, I think every person on this planet can benefit from therapy.

Japhet De Oliveira: Absolutely.

Jennifer Diehl: I don't care who you are. You got to have that outlet. So I had to figure out how to get past that fear of being alone because I think it was driving me to make more rash decisions or to settle or to compromise. And I didn't want to do that because I knew I deserved better. So I just had to first come to accept the fact that it's possible you won't have a life partner. And that you got to figure out how to be OK with that. And that took a lot of work and a lot of time working on myself. And then once I was like, "OK, I think I'm ready to start meeting people," then I was like, "I've already been hurt before. What if I can't really do this again? I'm afraid to get hurt." And so then that was my second barrier of trying to get past that fear.

So I really came down to the realization for me that there are only really two energies, two feelings that exist in the world and everything else stems from them and that is love and fear. Hate and anger and doubt, that all comes from fear. And love and humility and sacrifice, that all comes from love. And so here I am fighting with these two dynamics in my life and trying to figure out how to overcome one with the other. And so it's been a long journey, I'm still on it. I'm not going to lie. I still have my moments. But I think awareness is step one. And having somebody you can talk to about that, that knows what they're talking about is incredibly helpful and very healthy for everyone. So that's where I'm at.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great. That's great. Hey, it's encouraging to anybody who's in that space right now.

Jennifer Diehl: Yes.

Japhet De Oliveira: Telling us there is a way.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh yes, absolutely.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. Because it's not uncommon. All right. We have time for just the last two. So where would you like to go with your last two numbers?

Jennifer Diehl: Where am I at? What number am I at?

Japhet De Oliveira: You were at 98.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, well let's just go for it. Japhet, the look you're giving me.

Japhet De Oliveira: Where do you want to go with your last two?

Jennifer Diehl: With a little...

Japhet De Oliveira: Very innocent look.

Jennifer Diehl: It was not innocent. Anybody who's listening to this, it was far from innocent.

Japhet De Oliveira: So where would you like to go?

Jennifer Diehl: Let's do it. 99. Go for it.

Japhet De Oliveira: 99. All right. 99, it is. All right. What's the most difficult truth that you've ever told?

Jennifer Diehl: I think I just told it. I'm pretty sure...

Japhet De Oliveira: It was pretty...

Jennifer Diehl: That's pretty raw.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's pretty raw. No, that can be true.

Jennifer Diehl: I think that's, I've told some very difficult truths today.

Japhet De Oliveira: You have.

Jennifer Diehl: But like I said, I think it's healthy to talk about these things. And I could sit here and say, "I hope people don't think that I'm weak or I hope people don't think that I think differently of me because I struggled with my faith in the past," or whatever it is. I could fear that, but I have to love myself enough to trust that the relationships I've created are going to be supportive and folks that will be open. And if there's anything I've said today that can help anybody else, or if anybody wanted to reach out and talk to me about anything, then I am a hundred percent there for anybody who wants to talk. If you feel like you're in a similar situation or you just want somebody to talk to, I'm here and I'm in Outlook.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's true. In Outlook for Adventist Health and for the rest of the world.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, I'm sorry, this is going out?

Japhet De Oliveira: Oh yes.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, Heavens.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's OK. But here's the thing, if anybody who doesn't know Jen, you should know this, that I've been in several meetings with you in Adventist Health. And just love the way that people who work with you and for you speak of you. And I love the authenticity that you bring to the meetings, to the creativity, and also to the ideas and incredible stories that you want to share with people all the time about so-and-so who've met their journey, their life, their incredible, the rise that they've done. It's just beautiful. So it's encouraging to see. So thank you for that.

Jennifer Diehl: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right, we're on to our last question.

Jennifer Diehl: Oh, boy. Yeah, it's got to be a doozy. It's number 100, yes?

Japhet De Oliveira: 100? 100. All right. All right. There it is then. All right, so this is the question. If you wouldn't mind, tell us about one question you don't want to answer.

Jennifer Diehl: I don't want to answer a lot of questions, but no fear, remember?

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah.

Jennifer Diehl: So I will. And I do.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's good. Appreciate it. Jen, thank you so much for your time. It was fantastic. I really appreciate it.

Jennifer Diehl: Yes. I'm sad that we don't have time for me to ask you questions, Japhet, but we will, offline.

Japhet De Oliveira: Offline, offline. That's great. That's great.

Jennifer Diehl: Thank you for having me. This was fun.

Japhet De Oliveira: No, it was great. It was great. Hey, I just want to encourage everybody who's listening, do the same thing. Sit down with a friend, get a cup of tea, cup of coffee, sit down, ask good questions. Listen. You are transformed, I am transformed. We both grow through it, so it's a good experience. God bless everybody. We’ll connect again at another time.

Narrator:

Thank you for joining us for The Story & Experience Podcast. We invite you to read, watch, and submit your story and experience at AdventistHealth.org/Story. The story & Experience Podcast was bought to you by Adventist Health through the Office of Culture.