Kyle Smith
Episode 9

Narrator:

Welcome, friends, to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. Join your host, Japhet De Oliveira, with his guest today and discover the moments that shape us, our families and communities.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Welcome to another Story and Experience podcast. It's always pleasure to be able to connect with a new guest. And I'm going to introduce them in a second. As you know, if you're brand-new, this is a whole new experience for you, and so you'll be like, where are we going to go with this? I have a hundred questions, and with a hundred questions, the first 10 I'll ask, and then after that, the guest gets to dive in and choose between the 11 and a 100 where they want to go. Obviously when they get to a hundred, that's the hardest. If they choose to go there, they don't need to, I wouldn't recommend it. I'd recommend they choose other questions inside there, but they get to choose in the scale between 11 and 100. First 10 I'll choose. For those of you who are regular listeners, you know exactly how this works.

Japhet De Oliveira:

You've probably even started to memorize some of the questions and he'll say, or she'll say 27 you're like, I know what that question is. And so you'll anticipate where they may go with that. But the way that I'd like you to picture this is just grab a cup of tea, sit down with two friends who are sitting down, having a little bit of a chin wag, and they're talking about the stories and experiences that shaped them. So without any further ado, let's dive in and begin with the first 10 questions. Really easy. First one. What's your name? Does anybody mispronounce it? Do they slaughter it or do they get it?

Kyle Smith:

So my name is... It's very, very unique. It's Kyle Andrew Smith. And so it's often messed up. No, I'm kidding. My name is really simple, but people often ask me for the Y like K-Y-L-E, and a lot of people want to put an I, especially I've noticed people from Australia. They can't figure out how to spell my name. So if you're from Australia, let me know if I'm wrong.

Japhet De Oliveira:

OK.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah, I don't know.

Japhet De Oliveira:

It could be the winding you up, but that's good. Yeah.

Kyle Smith:

Maybe. Maybe there's a little banter there. They're trying to mess with me.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's good. That's good. Kyle, what do you do for work?

Kyle Smith:

Yeah, man. So I have been in seminary and I'm about to start as youth pastor at Kettering Adventist church. So I'm a pastor and I'm really excited about that.

Japhet De Oliveira:

And that's fantastic. Where is Kettering?

Kyle Smith:

So Kettering is in the middle of America. So for all of you people who are from California and New York, it's somewhere in the middle, somewhere just right there. So it's in Ohio. Kettering, Ohio.

Japhet De Oliveira:

OK. For our global audience, that's actually in the United States.

Kyle Smith:

Yes. It's in the middle of the United States.

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right. That's fantastic. Good. And so this is going to be a new role then. I'm just going to ask you how long you've been in this current role, but when are you starting there officially?

Kyle Smith:

So I start there, I think, July 15. So yeah, it's a new role. I've done youth ministry before, so I'm excited to jump back into it, but you know that, J.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah, no, you'll do great. I'm really excited for you, Kyle. That's super.

Kyle Smith:

Thanks, man.

Japhet De Oliveira:

When you begin your day, Kyle, for your first drink of the day, is it water? Is it one of those liquid green smoothies, is it coffee? Is it tea? What's what's your first drink of the day?

Kyle Smith:

So this is really weird. I don't drink any coffee. My wife drinks it by the gallon. I don't like it. There's something about coffee that makes me anxious. It's not the caffeine, but if I drink coffee, I'll have a panic attack five hours later. So I drink water just straight from the go. I'm just like a purist. So water, every morning. I start with a big thermos of water. That's what I do.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Is it a tap water or bottled water or...

Kyle Smith:

It's fresh out of the Brita. The Brita purifier.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Oh, ooh.

Kyle Smith:

Probably with an expired filter.

Japhet De Oliveira:

I was going to say, I'm so proud of you. I don't know if I can do that. I'd prefer tap water. All right.

Kyle Smith:

No, it has to be ... We live in Michigan, so Michigan has terrible water, so we have to make sure that's right.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Wow. OK. All right. Isn't the sign for Michigan like pure something? Pure...

Kyle Smith:

Pure Michigan, but the water is not pure. It's like anti-pure.

Japhet De Oliveira:

OK. So we'll have to revisit that.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah we will.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Hey Kyle, tell us, where were you born?

Kyle Smith:

I was born in a little tiny town called Spring Valley, Illinois. It's a town full of Italian and Irish immigrants. And everyone is Roman Catholic, but I was born there. It's about an hour and 20 minutes from Chicago.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Good. Now, have you been back there?

Kyle Smith:

Oh yeah. My whole family's there. My mom and my dad is there. My mom and dad's, both sides of the family are there. So I go back there. I'm actually going next week. So I'm at Andrews right now. And so it's only like an hour and a half away. So it's great to see them.

Japhet De Oliveira:

When you say Andrews, what is Andrews?

Kyle Smith:

Andrews University in Berrien Springs, Michigan where the Adventist Theological Seminary is located.

Japhet De Oliveira:

OK. All right. That's fantastic. Right. Tell me, when you were child, did you dream and imagine that you would be a youth pastor or did you have some other...

Kyle Smith:

Ooh. I thought I was going to be a carpenter if I'm going to be honest.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Really?

Kyle Smith:

Yeah. I thought I was going to be a carpenter. My uncle was a bridge builder for a union in Illinois. My aunt is a carpenter. My grandfather was a carpenter. He had his own contracting company. They all told me though not to do it. No, because they were like, this is the hardest job. It's hot and it's cold and it's terrible because it's really cold and really hot in the Midwest. And so they've had to do both. So I never thought I was going to be in ministry.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. That's fantastic. I didn't know about that about you. That's really great. If people were to describe you, would they describe you as an extrovert or an introvert? And would you agree?

Kyle Smith:

Ooh, they would all probably say extrovert and I would actually disagree. I'm probably... What's that term, ambivert?

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah.

Kyle Smith:

If I don't have time to be alone to process... I have to process and think a lot. And so if I don't have that time, it's done. But if I don't have time with people, then I just feel kind of lost and weird. So I have to have people.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's great. That's great. Now Kyle, are you an early... This is about your habits. Are you an early riser or late night owl?

Kyle Smith:

So it's weird, because lately I've been both.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Really?

Kyle Smith:

Yeah, all through high school...

Japhet De Oliveira:

So you don't sleep.

Kyle Smith:

It's been tough because in my early twenties, I was staying awake until like 3:00 a.m. doing emails and ministry stuff. And then I'd sleep until like 10 and then I'd hit the ground running again. And lately I've been going to bed at midnight and waking up at 7:00 a.m., 6:30 a.m., wide-eyed, can't go to sleep. It's the weirdest... I think it's called old age. I think it's starting to...

Japhet De Oliveira:

Old age.

Kyle Smith:

Old age. 27. Old age.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah, I sense that you're very old at 27. Yeah.

Kyle Smith:

I have a lot to learn.

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right. When you woke up this morning, what was the very first thought that went through your mind?

Kyle Smith:

Honestly, I love you, Lord. That was the first thing I thought today. I try to start the day remembering who I am in him and who he is and what that all means for me.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's beautiful.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah. It doesn't always start like that. Some days it's what's wrong with the cat, something like that, but today it was just Lord, I love you, thank you. All those things.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's beautiful, Kyle. All of that. That's great. Let me ask you a leadership question. Are you a backseat driver?

Kyle Smith:

No. Because I hate backseat drivers. My wife ... No offense to all of you backseat drivers. My wife is the chief, like how Paul was like, I'm the chief of sinners. She's the chief of backseat drivers. And when you apply that to leadership, I think I'm more of I like to ask questions and will kind of help steer and guide. But if we're talking leadership, I'm not going to micromanage. I'm going to kind of let you go do your thing. But if you're acting crazy, I will kind of not backseat drive, but I'll ask you to pull over so I can...

Japhet De Oliveira:

Pull over and then I'll take over. All right. 

Kyle Smith:

Re-address.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Hey, that's good. All right. So we're down ... we're into the real segment now. And this way you get to begin where you'll choose numbers. Between 11 and a 100. And it progressively becomes more complex, more vulnerable as you get to 100, which is the hardest, the most complex question. So Kyle, where would you like to begin?

Kyle Smith:

Honestly, this is exciting. It feels like Christmas.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah.

Kyle Smith:

Part of me wants to just go for a hundred, just off the bat, but you don't advise that.

Japhet De Oliveira:

It's yours. So you can decide where you want to go. You can go with 100 straight away. Your choice.

Kyle Smith:

Let's go with 100 straight away. Let's just jump in. Let's just get it done.

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right. Here we go then. Here's question 100 straight away.

Kyle Smith:

I'm like actually kind of shaking. I'm super nervous. I don't know.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Well, this is good. This is good. Kyle. I'd love you to tell us about one question you just don't want to answer.

Kyle Smith:

This one is hard, because there's a lot of those. I'll be really super vulnerable and share one that I've probably never shared publicly. They won't get me in trouble or anything. But I think one question... It's a question for my father actually. So I grew up in a home. I didn't meet my dad until I was 16, and probably the question that I've always wanted to ask him as we've developed a relationship over the years. This is getting really personal. So shout out to all of you listening.

Kyle Smith:

As we've gotten closer over the years, I notice in him... I'm always kind of the one leaning in and trying to put in the work because it's the right thing to do kind of thing. And I think for me, one of the questions I have always wanted to ask him, but I'm afraid of the answer is, "What's stopping you from having a relationship with me?" Kind of like, what's that thing that gets in the way, because it's very one-sided. And I'm at peace with it in my life. I don't think it would mess me up either way what he said. I think I just don't want to know. But yeah, I mean there we go. Number 100.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Well, that's a very honest question. I think it's an honest question that all of us probably have about somebody in our life. Right?

Kyle Smith:

I think so. And I think when we have been rejected by someone very close to us, even a close brother, like a friend, I think there's always a question, hey, like what's going on there? And it can affect the rest of our life if we allow it to. And I like that that's question 100 and that we started there because from there, I think you see the person is developed like, oh wow. Like that's a question they're wrestling with. What's what else are they wrestling with? That's cool. But yeah, man. Most vulnerable question.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. Well then, you can know to go to another number that's an entirely different direction. So from 11 to 99.

Kyle Smith:

Let's go with 11.

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right, 11.

Kyle Smith:

We're just doing extremes.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Extremes, all right. I appreciate you, Kyle. All right, here we go. Tell us about what's the most adventurous food meal you've ever eaten?

Kyle Smith:

Ooh, so I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist, which means we don't eat pork and we don't eat shellfish. Typically. It depends what side of the coast you're on.

Japhet De Oliveira:

OK.

Kyle Smith:

The most adventurous meal ... I'm Italian, even though my last name is Smith, and I had a full, proper Italian dinner. I'm not going to say how long ago, where I just experienced it the way an Italian would. And it was marvelous. It was great. I loved it. I didn't ask if there was pork in the bolognese. I just kind of took it on ... Because I was with company and I couldn't really ask those questions. They weren't a part of the same faith as me, et cetera. But it was, it was adventurous because I had never really eaten pork before. And it was very good. I'm not going to lie.

Japhet De Oliveira:

So you believe, that's good.

Kyle Smith:

I see why Italians love sausage. That's all, you know. But it's weird because all my grandparents are a hundred percent, and so they just cook with beef because you know, it's just, we're Adventists. It was adventurous though. And I don't think I'll do it again because I felt really bad afterward because it was a foreign substance. But it was delightful.

Japhet De Oliveira:

It was delightful but it was a foreign substance, that's an interesting contrast. All right.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah, you know, a little swine for the body.

Japhet De Oliveira:

I appreciate the candor. All right, good.

Kyle Smith:

Hey, I'm just going to be...

Japhet De Oliveira:

Hey, well this is an unedited podcast. It just rolls as thus. And I appreciate that. So where do you want to go after 11 and 100?

Kyle Smith:

Let's do 50. Let's just go to the middle.

Japhet De Oliveira:

50. All right. Middle it is. Share about who has influenced you professionally.

Kyle Smith:

Man. I'm not saying that because you're on here, but honestly you have. Professionally. In many ways you've influenced me. And I'm not just saying this to kind of suck up to you. But when I got into ministry, you were one of the first people I spoke to. You were at Kansas-Nebraska camp meeting, which Kansas-Nebraska is a conference of... Our church is structured in conferences and you were speaking for something. That's essentially the gist of that. And you said some really powerful things to me because you didn't have a car. They were too cheap and didn't buy you a rental. So I remember I was driving like a hot red Volvo S60 with a twin turbo. Do you remember that car?

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. I do remember that.

Kyle Smith:

And we cruised around to Thai restaurants and burger ... We just did what chubby men do. We ate. And I don't know, you kind of cast a larger vision over my life for what ministry could look like, because I only had seen Midwest Adventist churches. And if you know about the middle of the America Midwest, there's just not a lot going on. And most of it's a three- or four-church district, and I'm not knocking any of that. It's just you kind of cast a vision over my life that I didn't even know existed. And I got involved in the One Project and many different things, and it kind of showed me a standard of excellence and work ethic and integrity and brotherhood and just many different things. And so I would say you, and even more of the One Project guys have really helped develop me professionally. And then even when I call you guys or ask questions, especially you, J, like yes, brother, and then I tell you and then you usually wreck me with some great advice.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Well, that's very kind of you Kyle, but that's because you're a good man. You're a good man. And you got tremendous gifts, tremendous gifts. So I'm excited for you to be on here. So. All right. Where do you want to go next? You went bottom, top and middle.

Kyle Smith:

Ah, let's go 75. 

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right, here we go. Do you remember the first item you purchased with your own money? And if so, what was it and why did you buy it?

Kyle Smith:

I don't remember if it was my money or not, but I remember my first purchase was a wallet and I remember that I had nothing to put in the wallet, but it was a blue Velcro wallet with a red trim border. And it had a soccer ball. And I never have played soccer. I don't like soccer. I don't know why, but it clicked. And I loved it. It had a little coin pouch.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's beautiful.

Kyle Smith:

And yeah, it was great, man.

Japhet De Oliveira:

I think we all remember our first wallet, and we didn't have any cash to put inside after we bought it. But it was worthwhile.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah. It's kind of like what Paul says, things hoped for, but unseen. You know what I'm saying? You buy a wallet and you just hope that one day you'll have stuff for it, but you don't know.

Japhet De Oliveira:

No, that's good. That's good. All right. After 75 where'd you want to go next?

Kyle Smith:

Let's do 76. I'm just being wa... How many do I get? How many question...

Japhet De Oliveira:

I will tell you when we're down to enough time for the last two questions.

Kyle Smith:

All right.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. All right. You're doing well. You're doing well. Tell us about where you feel the safest and why?

Kyle Smith:

Hmm. I would say I feel the safest ... I have a chair in my living room that I do most of my devotions in and I write my sermons in it and it's just kind of become my spot. And I think if I'm having a long day or whatever, that chair is just kind of my space, but I would say my house overall. But yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's pretty good.

Kyle Smith:

I like that space.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's pretty good. I like that. It's good that your home is a safe space. That's beautiful.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. Nice.

Kyle Smith:

Well, since I'm a big guy, it's a big chair and it just kind of ... There's not a lot of chairs that hold us. Usually we hold them. So it's a nice experience.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's beautiful. That's beautiful. All right. Where'd you want to go next?

Kyle Smith:

Let's do 99.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Ninety-nine. All right, here we go. What is the most difficult truth you've ever told?

Kyle Smith:

Ooh. I had a friend who was ... I'm going to tread lightly. This isn't confidential, but I'm going to still tread lightly. I had a friend who was dating someone and that someone was in a relationship called a marriage. And the friend, they were dating this person who was married, and they were getting my opinion on if it's OK for them to move in together because of this person was going to leave their spouse.

Kyle Smith:

And I knew the details. I knew kind of what was going on. And he, she, she, he, they, I'm not going to use all of the pronouns, but I told them just kind of like, hey, this is what it is. This is what I think. I know the situation. It was very hard because I think there's a little bit of doubt. Man, God, this doesn't seem like what you would want. And they're coming to me as a friend, but also as a pastor. It was very clear like, hey, I want your pastoral opinion on this. And you kind of want to try to make compromises or you want to try to make, oh, well I see it this way. And I couldn't get to a place where I felt like it was the right thing to do.

Kyle Smith:

And I'm not the person that will kind of go up and be like, hey, I noticed you were doing this. If you come to me, I try to be very honest. And they came to me. I was very honest and the person kind of distanced themselves from me, but now two years later, we're close and I'm not going to share how it ended. But I think the important thing was that it taught me that sharing truth isn't just about sharing the truth. It's about sharing truth and then we always say in love, well, what does that really mean?

Kyle Smith:

And I think that that means just sharing the truth and then still being actively involved in loving that person, because they tried to separate themselves from me, distance themselves from me. And I gave them space, but then I always made sure, hey, how you doing? How are things going? And I showed interest in their relationship even. Even though they knew I wasn't in agreement, whatever. And I'm grateful for that because the relationship is stronger, I think, than it was even. So yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Relationships are always deeply complex. I've sat on the other side, listening to people on both ends of that kind of conversation. And there's always other elements inside there. So yeah.

Kyle Smith:

I think we always want to find like a right or wrong blanket statement and there's just not. Life is so complex and there's gray area and there's a lot going on.

Japhet De Oliveira:

A lot of love and a lot of pain.

Kyle Smith:

Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah. All right. Where do you want to go next, Kyle? I think you have time for two more.

Kyle Smith:

Oh. Let's do 98. I like these high level ones. I like being vulnerable. I'm weird. I don't know.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Right. 98. What is one great thing that you're capable of achieving?

Kyle Smith:

One great thing I'm capable of achieving?

Japhet De Oliveira:

Yeah.

Kyle Smith:

Oh man. I'm going to speak some destiny over my life and just say that I am capable of achieving whatever I'm called to do and whatever I work hard for. And I know that that might sound vague and kind of, oh yeah, good answer. But I say that intentionally, because I think that we often limit what God wants to do and can do through us and with us because we set too low of an expectation. And I've just learned that so many times that I will have an expectation of what I think is the most amazing thing or the best thing in the world or what I need to do or where God needs to send me or take me.

Kyle Smith:

And every time what I thought was it was not it. And every time that what he thinks is, is. And so I think I have capacity and ability for a lot of things. And I don't say that pridefully. I think we all do. I think it's a matter of, am I going to throw myself in a box or just be completely open to whatever, wherever he wants me to do.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Do you sense clarity right now about one great thing that God has called you to?

Kyle Smith:

I think that I have a lot of clarity in my mind that I can go ... If I think too much about the future, I'll get messed up. So I try to think very, kind of, what's happening right now. And I think I'm feeling very good about going to be a youth pastor at Kettering church. I think that going there, God is already giving me vision. God's already giving me ideas and I'm excited to see what kind of youth ministry we can build there because there's a lot of potential. So I think, yeah, I'm excited about that. And I think God is going to do good stuff if I stay focused on him doing the good stuff.

Japhet De Oliveira:

That's fantastic. That's great. Good. All right. Your final question. Ooh. Ooh. Which number?

Kyle Smith:

Oh man. Let's do 95. I just liked the sound of 95.

Japhet De Oliveira:

All right. Tell us about how you see your faith and life intersecting.

Kyle Smith:

Ooh, that's a good question. I think as a pastor, your faith and life are pretty mixed because it's your work. I think the key is coming apart and resting a while. And I liked the part where it says come apart because it gives you a moment to kind of de-compartmentalize and realign things. And so for me, whenever I take that time, whether it's in that chair I was talking about or in my hammock, whatever, I'm taking things apart and putting them back together. And for me, a lot of the times I realize that I have a temptation to put things, and maybe other people feel this, but, oh, that's a sinful thing.

Kyle Smith:

So it's in this box and then my pastoral box and then my personal walk with Jesus box. And I'm very much that way. And I'm learning that in the words of some theologians, everything, not in like a polytheistic way, but everything can be spiritual and our lives are just filled with rhythms, even the change of seasons. There's spiritual things happening there that we can learn from, again, not in like a weird God is the wind thing, but, and if you believe that, I'm not saying you're weird. So sorry for that. This is off the cuff, right, Jay?

Japhet De Oliveira:

Absolutely.

Kyle Smith:

But I think the beauty is when I sit down and I'm so tempted to put everything into compartments and boxes, and I say, why don't you just let all the walls down because even your sin and your pastoral ministry and your personal walk with Jesus and your marriage. It's all together, it's all linked. And all of it is found in your identity as a son of God. And God knows all that stuff about all of us. He knows about our sin and our this and our that. And he still calls us friend. So I'm learning to, to de-compartmentalize. Would that be the right word? Yeah. And see life as one brush stroke with individual fibers and individual hairs. But every one of them is linked in making the picture.

Japhet De Oliveira:

I like that. I like that. That's actually a beautiful way to actually end this time that we've had right now, Kyle, because when you think... And to everybody who's listening, as well. You're one of the only guests that I know that jumped to the question 100 straight away. It takes a certain mindset and openness to be willing to go right there straight away. And I've always appreciated that about you, Kyle, that you are a very open person, very vulnerable and an authentic character.

Japhet De Oliveira:

And I do like the way that you wish for the fibers of life to be all blended together. And I think that's actually... The truth is that we try to ... You're right, we try to separate them all, but they actually are all connected. So I want to encourage everybody who's got their own story and experiences to try to share them with your friends as well, because as you share them, you relive them, you experience them again, and you'll realize that they actually all entwined with each other. And thank you for listening to The Story & Experience Podcast. Thank you, Kyle, for your time today.

Kyle Smith:

Absolutely.

Japhet De Oliveira:

Really appreciate it. And God bless you. And look after you.

Narrator:

Thank you for joining us for The Story & Experience Podcast. We invite you to read, watch and submit your story and experience at adventisthealth.org/story. The Story & Experience Podcast was brought to you by Adventist Health for the Office of Culture.