Marquel Dillaway Torres
Episode 147

Narrator: Welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. Join your host, Japhet De Oliveira with his guest today and discover the moments that shape us, our families and communities.

Japhet De Oliveira: Hey, welcome friends to another episode of The Story & Experience Podcast. I have a new guest with me here in Roseville, California sitting opposite me, which is always the best part when you're in the studio together. If you're brand new to the podcast, we have a hundred questions. They progressively become more complex and more vulnerable closer to 100. The guest gets to choose where they want to go and share stories that shape them into the leader that they are today. So I'm going to start with the first 10, and then I'll hand over to you. Let me ask you your name and does anybody ever mispronounce it?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: My name is Marquel Dillaway Torres. It's a mouthful. Torres is my married name. Dillaway is my maiden name, and I go by both. My first name is difficult and yes, people mispronounce it practically daily.

Japhet De Oliveira: Practically daily? Great. Do they ever spell it wrong?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: All the time.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good, Marquel. What do you do for work?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I am an Executive Assistant for Meredith Jobe.

Japhet De Oliveira: I heard like a choo-choo train there.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: That would just be my phone that I forgot to turn off.

Japhet De Oliveira: Do you have a choo-choo train sound?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I do.

Japhet De Oliveira: It makes it like Thomas the Tank engine.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: No, it's easy one so it doesn't go beep. And then everyone goes, "That's my phone." I'm like, "No, that's actually my phone."

Japhet De Oliveira: I was like, I sense this light going off, and then you have the light as well.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I'm sorry.

Japhet De Oliveira: It's great. Okay, so work.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Back to work. So I'm an assistant E.A. For Meredith Jobe. I work for the system cabinet and I have been with Adventist Health since September of 2018 as a contractor. And then I started officially in January 2019 and have been an executive assistant ever since.

Japhet De Oliveira: Now, obviously I've heard great things about you as an E.A from different people that I may know very well, which is fantastic, and so you rather an exceptional one, which is super well.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: Yeah. Have you done this long?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I have most of my career, yes. So my life before Adventist Health, I was an executive assistant for chief officers for a software company, but I also was an office manager for our global offices. So I managed all the executive assistants within our system and we had about 250 employees worldwide and seven offices. So I got to travel a lot and I had some amazing team members and amazing people that I still have contact with. So 25 years before that, it's always been a part of my life. It wasn't necessarily my title all the time, but definitely something I've been doing for a long time.

Japhet De Oliveira: Okay. What's the secret to being an exceptional E.A.?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Patience.

Japhet De Oliveira: Patience. Great. That's good to know. All right, well let's move on, shall we? Marquel, where were you born?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I was born in Turlock, California.

Japhet De Oliveira: Did you grow up there?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I did not.

Japhet De Oliveira: Okay.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: When I was three, we moved to Santa Rosa, California, and that's where I left about six years ago.

Japhet De Oliveira: So when you were a child growing up in Santa Rosa, what did you imagine you wouldn't grow up to be?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Well, a dancer, in particular, a solid gold dancer.

Japhet De Oliveira: A solid gold dancer. I don't know what that is.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: It's an American dance show that was very popular in the '80s and I wanted to do that my whole entire life until I started tap dancing, and then I decided I wanted to be a professional tap dancer. I actually was able to do that in my college years for a couple of years.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's amazing. Okay. I don't know where to go with that. That's just like, that's great.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: How I made the jump from dancer to executive assistant.

Japhet De Oliveira: How did that happen?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Via my degree of psychology. I have a degree in psychology, so I do not know...

Japhet De Oliveira: That's exactly what sounds like appropriate. We need to know how come you didn't end up becoming a psychologist?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I started working right after college and realized that business is more comfortable space for me, and so I kept going with that and enjoyed what I was doing. I worked for a software company, the Dotcoms, in the late '90s in San Francisco. So as part of that energy and the idea of going back to school at that time just didn't make sense to me and I kept going with it. So then I landed at a really great software company, I was employee number five, and I helped build the company. So it was a good spot.

Japhet De Oliveira: So your degree came in useful in your life?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Yes. It comes in often, patience, understanding humans.

Japhet De Oliveira: Good to know. I should lie down on a couch. Are you an early riser or late night owl?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I could be both. I love getting up in the early morning. I love the peacefulness of the early morning, the sun rising, the time that I could spend by myself just in meditation and a late night dance party of my place with the music, I'm not saying there's a lot of people, it's usually just me. But I could stay up late and enjoy whatever the night has to offer for.

Japhet De Oliveira: You must know so many dance songs. Do you have songs that have word dance in them?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: My favorite is Dancing Queen.

Japhet De Oliveira: There you go. What an insight. That's great. Now when you get up early and what's early for you by the way?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: 5:00, 5:30.

Japhet De Oliveira: Okay. So when you get up like 5:00, 5:30, first drink of the day, do you have coffee, tea, liquid green smoothie water? What do you have?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I usually have my supplements in powder form, liquid form. As you age, sometimes you need a little boost. So I start with my supplements and then usually, a hot cup coffee.

Japhet De Oliveira: Is this a complicated formula?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: No. I make it sound like it's... No, that's the first thing I put into my system.

Japhet De Oliveira: Chemistry set.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: No. Very easy. Just I try to put that in my body before I put the coffee on.

Japhet De Oliveira: It's good. All right, this morning when you woke up, first thought that went through your mind today.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Today is Tuesday, I was thinking that I needed to be in a meeting at 8:00, so I needed to get moving.

Japhet De Oliveira: Fair enough. All right. That's good. Leadership question here. Are you a backseat driver?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: No. I tend to be an observer who can see where we're going and will nudge, but not demand or point. So backseat, maybe a front seat passenger with guidance.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. If people were to describe personality, Marquel, would they say you were an extrovert or an introvert, and would you agree?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I would agree with what they say because it's very rare that anybody says that I'm an introvert because I am not, but I have been told that I am because on occasion, I will be quiet because sometimes, I feel like not talking speaks louder than talking and just depending... Again, studying people, I don't always need to be the center of attention. So I will sit back and let somebody else take that center when appropriate.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. All right. Floor is open now. You get to pick between 11 and 100. So where do you want to go first?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: You said not 100. Now, let's start with 11. Just an odd number. I don't know why.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. Tell us about the most adventurous food or meal that you've ever eaten.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: So the year I graduated from college, my brother was going to school abroad in Spain. And my other brother, I have three brothers, so it sounds like I have a lot because I do a lot with my brothers. But two of us flew to Spain and met my brother, Michael, and we traveled around Spain. We were in Mallorca for a minute and somebody was offering us the various local foods. At the time, I was a vegetarian, so when in Spain, you eat as a Spanish do. So I did eat a lot of meats at that time, but somebody offers us their food of the horse meat, which is apparently a delicacy and I just couldn't do it. I just was like, the poor little horsey. So my brother, on the other hand, tried and he couldn't do it either. So that was the most adventurous in the offerings. But I did and that trip eat a lot of blood sausages, which was delicious. I ate meat for a couple of weeks while I was there.

Japhet De Oliveira: Are you vegetarian now?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I am not.

Japhet De Oliveira: Change has happened.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Change has happened, body's changed. I had to change.

Japhet De Oliveira: That was 11. Where next?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Let's do 44.

Japhet De Oliveira: 44. All right. What is something that you are proud to have created?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Wow. That's a big one because I could take that on a personal level or I could take that on a work level.

Japhet De Oliveira: I like it. Either one or both.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I will take it on a double level. Let's talk about that.

So I was involved in a project in 2017 when there were fires going through Sonoma County. My spouse was a fireman, so he was involved with the fires at the time. Our home was safe from the fire, so we provided a safe front for a lot of friends. I had over a hundred friends who lost their homes in that fire within an eight-hour period. So just kept my home front going with hot food and water and coffee and clean beds and showers and the whole bit. My parents were also evacuated, so my mom and dad would jump right in and help me and that's the way my family operates.

But in that came a project that was really organic. My high school friends all came together, saying, "I want to help, I want to help." I'm fortunate enough to have a lot of friends who have been successful, and so they sent money and they started sending goods. We had private planes flying in from all over California with more stuff that we know what to do with. I had a friend based here in Sacramento and he went down and organized a nonprofit for us and put in all the paperwork, and within three days of the fire starting, we had a non-profit running called Sonoma County Fire Relief that has served nearly a million dollars of funds to fire victims for California since fires in 2017.

So it's a very personal, and yet, it's a business aspect of it. So yeah, so I'm super proud of what we've done with that and where we started with it because it really was grassroots. There was nothing., we found a volunteer to offer their warehouse spaces. We had people with their big trucks that were moving things around. We found a company that hauled things from San Diego back and forth, and that they would take pallets, called Costco and said, "Hey, I need this." And they're like, "Sure. We're going to drive it over to wherever you need it." I'm like, what is going on with this?

So it was just one thing after another. Whenever I just called and asked for help, people gave it. So over a course of two or three months, we really built it up, with the website the whole bit, and so now, it's still up and running. I'm the CEO of that nonprofit and I have a board and everything, but it's pretty much a two-man shop, where the money comes in and then we distribute the money. We've made it a lot more simple than actual goods at this point, but it works.

Japhet De Oliveira: What a great cause. It sounds like you get a lot of energy from that.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I do. I was surprised....

Japhet De Oliveira: You give energy and you get a lot of...

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I get a lot of it back because I still appreciate the work and the things that we get, and I'm not doing it for any praise, just I feel good about the work that we're doing. Luckily, I have a really good team that is also supportive of that. So it's really good.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's fantastic. Well done.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right, we're next. That was 40.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I'll do 52.

Japhet De Oliveira: 52. All right. Share what motivates you.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Oh, gosh.

Japhet De Oliveira: Supplements. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: That's what keeps me going. What motivates me... Doing good. Being able to do good for others. My love language is service. Part of the reason why I like being an E.A. Being able to serve others in all different capacities, and if it's on a personal level or on a professional level, if it's just simply going to get them a cup of coffee or supporting them through a death of a spouse or something along those lines, it's one of those things where serving others is what motivates me and keeps me going. It's what allows me to wake up in the morning and go, what can I do today to serve others? And if it's a small capacity, fine. If it's a bigger capacity, fantastic. But at the same time, that's the way I show love to the people around me.

Japhet De Oliveira: I love that a lot. That's fantastic. All right, where next? That was 52.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Can I go back?

Japhet De Oliveira: You can go up and down.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Let's go to 29.

Japhet De Oliveira: 29. All right. Share three things that make you instantly happy.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Cool weather.

Japhet De Oliveira: Cool weather. Very common here in the Roseville area.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Given that today's temperature is who knows what.

Japhet De Oliveira: 200 degrees Fahrenheit.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: But in all seriousness, having the ability to love makes me happy, knowing that I'm lovable, to add to that. I'm not saying that I'm some wonderful, amazing person, but at the same time, I accept love, and so being lovable and that's the essence of it. So three things.

Japhet De Oliveira: So cool weather, loving and being loved...

Marquel Dillaway Torres: When people smile at me.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's pretty cool.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: It makes me happy.

Japhet De Oliveira: Number two, being loved and loving. You study psychology.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Yeah.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's not an easy thing to admit or know.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: No. But if after...

Japhet De Oliveira: It's really healthy to be.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: It's taken a lot to get here by all means. It's not something that I just instantly woke up one morning and said, "This is my philosophy." I've had a very difficult couple years on my personal level and I have learned to love myself again. I understand that the circumstances that I'm in is not because I'm unlovable and what that looks like. So because I'm willing to push my limits and understand and "do a lot of the work," they'd say, and I'm using air quotes here because it's not easy growing up.

You, as a child are protected, hopefully. From a lot of pain, but you were eventually thrown out into the world and given that challenge and the things that are thrown at you rather are things that no one can predict. No one has any idea what's going to happen. And to last five, six years of my life not been the easiest, but I could have walked away, just damaged and torn and broken and put that negativity out in the world and just said, forget it, and just been down. And instead, I was like, no, this is not who I am. I was not raised that way. I was not put in an environment in my life. God has given me so much and I've been able to manifest that and take that and provide others with happiness and joy because I can try, at least. I don't do it well every single day, all day long. But I don't know anybody who has.

Japhet De Oliveira: I was just say, who does? Let me know.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: But in that aspect of it, trying to just be the best person that I can be, put my best foot forward every day, wake up saying, "God has given me this gift and I'm going to do my best with it."

Japhet De Oliveira: That's really good.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: And then every single time I do my best and I feel like I've done something good, it just gives me a little bit more motivation, a little bit more oomph of saying, "Keep doing it again. Do it again." The difficulties, in particular, the last year and a half, have really taught me to say, "You can do this. You can conquer the world." And God has said to me, "I've given you the tools, you just got to go do it." I'm trying my hardest to go do it.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great. That's actually an encouraging word for anyone listening because Everybody has chapters in their life.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Absolutely.

Japhet De Oliveira: Some must, don't admit it, but everybody has chapters, and to be able to find a way through difficult things to find good.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I always say, take a minute to be sad, to do whatever processing that you need to do. Do not stop yourself from feeling those feelings. With my work, I have learned that for me, processing feelings, that immediate feeling of sadness takes about 90 seconds, maybe two minutes, but it passes through your body. Once it's passed through, you're like, now I've let that go. Let me deal with it and move. But not stop yourself from dealing with it. Don't suppress it, deal with it, figure it out, and then keep moving on. Because otherwise, if you hold onto that pain and that grief and that sadness, whatever it is that's holding you back, it's going to keep holding you back. It's going to keep holding your heart back, it's going to keep holding your inside of all that, and that will start manifesting in your body.

We're a healthcare organization. We need to keep ourselves healthy, and by keeping positive and keeping moving forward, it's best we can ask for support, be there with your friends. If you see somebody, you never know what's going. We get this quote all the time, "You don't know what somebody's going through when you're walking down the street." So just offering them a smile, opening that door, doing that kind thing can change their world or at least their day. When I need that, that always shows up for me. Somebody always manages to say something to me that, at the moment, I needed to hear it, and I've learned to really accept that and see it and understand it and just go, "God, I heard this. I got you. Let's keep going."

Japhet De Oliveira: That's beautiful. Obviously, you said it takes a while for people to learn these kinds of things about themselves. Did you have mentors? Did you have role models? How did you arrive at this place?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I do have some mentors. I have a lot of role models. I've done a lot of study. I've worked with therapists. I'm not afraid to admit that.

Japhet De Oliveira: I have a great therapist too.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Really intense. I found somebody who I was able to connect with and just gave it to me raw. There you go. That's what I need. Just taking all those bits and pieces and figuring out what's going to work for me. Japhet, you might offer me some advice and I might go, sounds great. Joe, next door over here, might offer the same advice, and I'd be like, I don't think so. But then one day, Mary says, same advice for both of you. I am like, but that's resonating for me right now. So it's taking it in, and then, for me, I store it and then I might go, wait a minute, I heard that somewhere. How does that apply right now? I'm learning to really listen and take that in and understand for me what that looks like and then figure it out and it just clicks. Maybe I've had some more exposure and other avenues, but at the same time, it's working, so I'm just going to keep going with it.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great advice to parents who are trying to connect with their kids who may say the same thing that somebody else says.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Right. I have a teenage nephew right now, and let me tell you, my brother will call me every day. "We've told him this three times, but coming from you..."

Japhet De Oliveira: Much easier.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: So when I tell him, he is like, "I got you." And then they change. I completely understand. I've raised three boys. So yes, sometimes as a parent, you just can't say exactly what they need to hear, but Their uncle Mike might be able to give the same exact words and just coming from somebody else, they just hear it differently.

Japhet De Oliveira: Good wisdom. All right, where next then?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Let's see. Let's do 71.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. Describe a time in your life that took an unpredictable turn. Pray do tell, Marquel.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I think I'm going to go to work level on this one. I told you, I talked about the company that I worked for a long time and we had a new CEO come in one day and he decided he needed to cut some budget. Within three days, 25 higher level managers were cut from the team worldwide all at one time. How it was orchestrated was a miracle because I, at the time, was in charge of orchestrating it.

Japhet De Oliveira: Okay.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Somehow, it missed me altogether. They did a good job keeping it secret. So taking that layoff was super hard. It's a breakup, especially when we were there for so long. But I moved my family into actually moving. My spouse and I were in Santa Rosa as I mentioned before, and his children were living in Roseville. So it actually motivated us to move here so we could be with them full-time. At the time, they were late teens. We had been going back and forth for years with their bio mom and it was just time for us to move. So that change, that catalyst of movement of change was a huge move. Obviously, moving two hours away.

Japhet De Oliveira: Moving is difficult enough on its own.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: But it turned out to be a great blessing in disguise. The boys have thrived since then. They have done so well. With that, it was best thing that we could have done for our family.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great. Thanks for sharing that. Where next?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Let's see, I will go to 75.

Japhet De Oliveira: 75. All right. Do you remember the very first thing that you bought with your own money? What was it and why did you get it?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Yes. I bought two things on the same day.

Japhet De Oliveira: This is great. Two things did you get?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I won't forget. It was my first paycheck from my first real job out of college. I have salaried, so I was just like, this is great, and a lot of money at once. I had had my eye on a 240 SX Nissan for a while. So my dad marched me down and I got a loan. I didn't pay for it in cash, but I was able to qualify and bought that car for the first time, my first car on my own for the first time. My mom was so excited that she took me to buy a briefcase and I still actually carry it today because it was a really good quality.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: She didn't pay for it, she insisted she wanted to, but I was like, "No, mom, I've got the money now." Thought I was. But it is a bag that I still carry because it was such good quality.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's great. Love that. We have time for two more.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Excellent. Let's go into the eighties.

Japhet De Oliveira: All right. Where?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: I'll do 83.

Japhet De Oliveira: 83. All right. Think about your favorite childhood memory. What was it?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: So many good childhood memories. A lot of them were built with a friend, her name is Lisa, and we danced together.

Japhet De Oliveira: Good figure. All right.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: But Taco Tuesdays were probably one of my favorites, because every Tuesday and Thursday, because that's the way we roll, my mom would make tacos on Tuesdays and her mom would make tacos on Thursdays, and so we literally had tacos twice a week. We were neighbors also. And our moms were really good friends. The whole neighborhood thing. So that's still one of my favorite memories. On random Tuesdays, I'll get a text from her, "I'm eating tacos." It's just one of those things where it just pops up. It's always a reminder, and Taco Tuesday is definitely a thing these days. So in that, I am always constantly reminded, it was not a thing in the seventies and eighties, except on Shady Slope Drive in Santa Rosa.

Japhet De Oliveira: So you guys still friends today?

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Absolutely. She lives in Washington DC now, but we are still very much connected.

Japhet De Oliveira: Good. All right, last one.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Let's go to 95.

Japhet De Oliveira: 95.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Because I'm afraid to ask 100.

Japhet De Oliveira: So this is actually great for you. Could you tell us about how you see your faith and life intersecting? That's a great one.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: That's a good one. My faith and life intersecting are basically the one path. It's rare that I go off a path and just down one road because I have had a deep face since I was a child. I was raised in the Catholic Church, and so my mom made sure that we had that practice, but she also taught us how to pray and how that felt like, so I have never lost my faith in God. I have may have strayed a little time or two, but probably, in my early twenties, I didn't have as deep a faith.

But in my late twenties, I came back and was full force. Every day, it's my life. It's how I present myself. I'm constantly asking, and I know this is a little corny, "What would Jesus do? What would he do in this moment? How would he act? What would he say? Is this an action? Is this something he would really be doing when we really think about it?" So I try to live that way and I try to be that face of God all the time, as much as I possibly can be. It's not how they intersect, it's how I live my life. So it's part of who I am, and I think anybody that you talk to who really knows me.

And I wear a cross often. I have a large cross collection of necklaces because it's something that reminds me daily of what and how faith comes in different forms and how different religions have different ways. But it comes back to the same belief. Treat your neighbor as you would yourself. You want to love them well and love them hard and love them with everything that you've got.

Japhet De Oliveira: Marquel, that was beautiful. Thank you. That was a fitting end to this conversation. For everybody who's listening, I say this at every podcast that I think is really important to sit with a person, ask them good questions, you learn about things about each other and you are changed by it as well. But I want to say today, in particular, that you spoke about some deep things that I think will help a lot of people with their life.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: That's good. So thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: You're very welcome. Thank you.

Japhet De Oliveira: God bless everybody and we'll connect soon.

Marquel Dillaway Torres: Sounds great.

Narrator: Thank you for joining us for The Story & Experience Podcast. We invite you to read, watch, and submit your story and experience at adventisthealth.org/story. The Story & Experience Podcast was brought to you by Adventus Health, through the Office of Culture.